Friday, April 17, 2015

Go Away

Let's just kick it off with THE most annoying thing in the world. Fashion. Trends. Whatever. Go away!
I, for one, was thrilled at the news that low rise pants were being replaced with the old "mom Jean" rise. It's great for the ole muffin top. However, what these freakin fashionistas did was raise the waist and forget the rest. Literally, you only have pants from the lady bits (and just barely!) to the belly button. Ass all over the place. Then of course every top in the place is cropped. WHY?! Stop it. These aren't cute looks. Even on the most fit, skinny, hot to trot little miss thang. Still not cute. Universally not cute. And I don't want to see that much skin casually walking through the mall or at dinner. Save it for the beach. 

Another group of people that need to go away? The people that want to be able to see my social media pages but block me from seeing or commenting on theirs. Don't make it so obvious. I'm not that interested in your page, I just didn't want the drama of "unfriending" thanks for making that one easier on me though. Go away!

Horns in traffic. Whyyyy are you honking? We are ALL sitting still. Honking your horn only annoys me. It doesn't magically make the bumper to bumper traffic part like the Red Sea for you. We all have somewhere to go. Calm yourself down. You KNOW there's going to be traffic. Plan on it. And go away!

Wednesday, April 15, 2015

The Thing About Holidays

Holidays. All the family gets together, we catch up, share stories, laugh and eat too much delicious food. 

Wouldn't it be cool if I shared a post full of smiling faces and talk about how much I looooove every single holiday and every single part of holiday visits? Wouldn't it be even cooler if that was the whole truth? It is true. But wouldn't it be cool if it was the whoooole truth?

I figure we've seen enough of those posts. You know the ones. With perfectly posed families in their Sunday best. Pretending they didn't have any eye rolls and stomped feet and sleepy toddlers and husbands that don't want to match the dog's outfit. 

We did have a good Easter. All those good things everyone posts about did happen. We did. 
But let's keep it real. That's why I post here, right?

We compare. We see family members for 2 seconds giving a highlight version of what they've been up to & we lose all logic. We pretend that they have no problems. That the smile they wear when they share the high points is the whole truth. Like they aren't leaving out a single detail. 

You know what else? For me, holidays are so lonely. Being surrounded by all those people and feeling lonely sounds crazy. But, holidays are a big reminder that I am very much alone in this journey. I sit there assembling Prissy's Easter basket alone, filling it with all the things I bought alone. Alone, in the 30 minutes I stole during a work day to run like a crazy person through Target. Right beside me? My sister. My sister assembling her kidS baskets. With her husband. Her husband who helped pick everything out & is helping assemble all those things. And will sit with her when those kids excitedly go through the baskets the next day. Who will take turns helping the kids hunt eggs while the other snaps photos. They get to talk to each other on the ride home and share these memories. 
You know what else they get to do? Talk shit about her crazy family. I mean, I'm sure everyone except her sister. Yeah. I'm sure. 
Not just my sister. I spend the most time with her. But I'm surrounded by cousins. One cousin had to work. You know what happened? Her kids still came. Why? Because her husband brought them and she met when she got off work. Had her kids had to wait for her, they would have missed the whole thing. She came up as we were walking out. 

Holidays are reminders of all the things I do alone. Of all the things I don't have a partner to talk to about. Of all the things my child has to miss out on if I can not arrange for. Holidays are freaking lonely. 

I love that Prissy doesn't think she is missing out on anything. I know she doesn't notice. She doesn't care. She loves when we are all together and she loves when it's just the two of us. 

Honestly, in the moments of the holidays, when I'm watching her, I'm not lonely at all. I'm happy, everything is all right. It's mostly the end. When we lay down & she falls asleep and there's nobody there to rehash the day with. Or in the car on the way home and she falls asleep and there's nobody there to talk to me and keep me awake because I'm tired too. 

What holiday is up next? I can't wait. 

Friday, March 13, 2015

Payback is a...

We all know how that one ends. Usually. 
But sometimes, payback is a freaking adorable little miniature version of yourself. (All the parents said "amen")

One story my ex-husband loved to tell was when I had to get a little sideways with a representative for my credit card. Long story but it ended with me finally demanding he only answer my simple question "did you receive my payment" with "yes Mrs Turner or no Mrs Turner" no other sales pitches. That's it. 

Fast forward 6(ish) years and that little call center rep somewhere in, I suspect, India will be happy to know I got my payback. 

The other day, Miss Priss colored a picture & asked if I love it. I Iaunched into "oh baby, it's so beautiful! Is that a..." When she breaks in with "mama! Do you love it? Yeah or no?"

Ok. Yes. I love it. 

Tuesday, March 10, 2015

Seafood Festival

I've really been making an effort to explore and take advantage of our new town. This weekend, the Lions Seafood Festival was in St. Augustine so we definitely had to hit that up. 

We had the best time! Of course we spent most our time in the kids zone but we did get some great food & check out the vendor booths as well. 

I wish I had some food pics but there was nowhere to sit so I ate everything standing in lines with a 4 year old. I barely had a free finger to balance my fork on, much less snap any pictures! 

And of course she never lets me pass the beach without stopping. I'm going to just keep an "emergency beach bag" in my car from now on!

Friday, March 6, 2015

Hello Again!

Oh, haayyy yall! Long time no blog. To say I've been distracted since my last post in October would be an understatement! I had to step away because I had a lot of things happening that I didn't want to share. And, frankly, I take pride in being "real" over here so if I have to censor myself so hard & can't talk about what I really want to, then I'd rather not post at all. 

BUT! Now I'm back :)

Since I left yall here, we have relocated to Jacksonville, FL! If you follow me on social media then you already know that. 

We are excited about this new journey & hope you'll follow along!

Tuesday, October 14, 2014

To Be More Like Her

Last week we went to the fair. Aubrey Jo had the best time. There were lots of little things that made me smile. One thing really stood out to me though compared to our trip last year. She has grown up so much in this one short year. Not only is she now TALL enough to get on a lot of rides by herself, but she is also BRAVE enough to step up to the line and ride by herself. When she got off, she beamed with pride jumping up and down "I did it with nobody!!" Each time we tried to get in line with her, she would say "no! I big girl. You wait here."

So independent. So brave. 

I like to think the last 2.5 years I have had to find some independence and make some hard choices and put on a brave face. But I have to be forced. I have to be shoved into the line, held down while they buckle me in and I'm so angry for having been forced outside my comfort zone that I can't even smile with pride for making it through the whole ride I didn't think I'd survive. 

Put me in a situation with people I don't know, a place I'm not familiar with or an activity I'm not sure I'll be good at and I totally shut down. Sweating, heart racing, tears swelling, full on anxiety panic attack. 

I wish I had my daughter's sense of independence and bravery. I'm going to be making a conscious effort to change that about myself starting now. 

If you could change one thin about yourself what would it be? What are you doing to make those improvements?

Wednesday, October 8, 2014

A Way With Words

The other day I totally unloaded on my boyfriend. I mean, it wasn't his problem, there was nothing he could do, but I just needed to get it out & he happened to be the one there. I felt guilty and added "sorry to always vent to you" because ya know, nobody wants to be the Debbie Downer. I wish I was all positivity all the time. He has his own issues. His response?

"I wish I could I say I understand your frustrations, but I don't. I will, however, always be here for you if you need to vent to someone."

Bless his heart, the man is not a wordsmith. He often misquotes or uses the wrong word and ends up saying the very opposite of what he intended. Especially on text. It sometimes makes me crazy but always makes me laugh.

This time though? Nailed it. That's all I needed. He didn't have to have the answer. He just needed to listen and reassure. That's it. 

I cried a little. He has been such a blessing to my life. 

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