Thursday, September 6, 2012

Sincerely, Me

Dear Twiggs County Police,
If you pull out behind me without even your head lights on again, it will not be pretty. How do I know you aren't some crazy rapist, murderer, democrat, angry mistress, drunk driver about to crash into me, or mob boss about to send me swimming? I will perform a citizens arrest next time. We live in the woods. It's scary. Please don't do that. K? Thanks.
Sincerely,
Scared Female Driver

Dear M'Lady Tammy Wynette,
I love you. Don't get me wrong. And my granny would probably knock my teeth out to hear that you're on my open letter list today. But, "after all, he's just a man"? Really? Nope. Just not enough. I do agree though that "sometimes it's hard being a woman".
Sincerely,
Not Standing by Her Man

Dear USPS,
An expected delivery date is basically bible. So don't tell me it's expected on one day and a week later tell me to "allow an extra 2-3 days for delivery". That is unacceptable in my world.
Sincerely,
Impatiently Waiting in Georgia

Dear Telephone Rep,
Please quit saying "I don't know" and "I apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused". You're not sorry, you're required to display empathy.... and you're not doing a good job of pretending. And inconvenience this MAY have caused? MAY have caused?! The time I have spent on the phone arguing with you is enough of an inconvenience on it's own. On top of the crap your company is dealing me, yeah, I'd say this MAY have caused a slight inconvenience.
Sincerely,
Not A Happy Customer

Dear Coffee,
Thanks. That's all. You and your BFF creamer rock. So Thanks.
Sincerely,
Your Biggest Fan

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