Monday, December 23, 2013

Our December


I've been neglecting this blog this month. December is busy for everyone. For me, I also have a couple days surrounding the 13th, my wedding anniversary that proves to bring about some personal reflection. But this year, one thing has overshadowed it all. 

July 31, my mom had several grand maul seizures. They said she had a stroke & we were sent home for weeks waiting for the blood to absorb from around her brain. We later heard the "c" word. My mom has brain cancer. A cancer that is very rare, treatable not curable, and will never go into remission. She had surgery in November to remove as much as they could. 

This month, she started her chemo & radiation journey. She will be on chemo for a year then on & off the rest of her life. This round of radiation is 6 weeks long. She stays at the Hope Lodge at Emory full time. So we don't see her often & it has proven to be a challenge for us all. She is handling it well though & we are very pleased with her team at Emory. 

So many have reached out though, I wanted to share our updates. 

Besides that...
Prissy finally agreed to turn 3. 
I have to explain EVERY day (sometimes multiple times a day) why we can't go see Santa again. 
I'm going to get a niece! My sister is having a baby girl in May. 
Granny & Grandpa have come in town to stay & help us out. I love having them around but Lord my child is being spoiled rotten. 
I've threatened everyone that I will stab them if there is a "baby alive" under the tree this year. Just no. 

Monday, December 2, 2013

Real Life Perfect

We are officially 1 week into our 3rd year. Priss still refuses to be 3 though, she cries and says she is still 2 and wants to be a baby always. I pretty much quit fighting her, one day she will wake up and say "I'm not a baby!" or even worse? The day she yells "I'm not a little girl mom! I'm grown" (even though she will probably barely be a teen when this dramatic stomp to a slamming door happens) So for now, I am going to enjoy my baby for another year. We will try 3 next year...

 
 I shared a photo of the table on the internet last week. It was a mistake. I got tons of comments asking me to share more photos of the party. I immediately went into a panic. "oh my gosh! how am I going to turn this into an 'internet good' party!? I have to live up to everyone else that go banana sandwich and end up on the most popular page on pinterest or some party inspiration blog." My mom had surgery on Aubrey's birthday and with me being out of work mostly since July, I really had to pull back on the plans I had for a big 3rd birthday blowout.
 
 
 
Out went the ideas of bounce houses, catered dessert bars, hired entertainment, live animals, fireworks, and celebrity appearances. We ended up just inviting her besties, the twins, over for a sleepover the night before and enjoyed cake the day of. 
 



 
I was kind of obsessed with the cake though. And I do mean ob-sessed. I thought it was beautiful, delicious, and fun. The top was a fun surprise when we cut into it and it was inside out of the bottom layer with the ombre on the inside. The girls thought it was so cool!
 



There was cake. There was presents. There was best friends. What more could a 3 2 year old ask for?

 
So no, the party was not "internet good"... but it WAS "real life perfect". She didn't miss a single thing. And I didn't have a bit of party-related stress. We stayed up late eating popcorn (with sprinkles and Hershey's mind you) in bed watching a marathon of movies, she played with the girls, they ran in circles, they crashed for a couple hours in a living room fort, there were tears when it was over. I'd say that's a successful party (=
 
 
We even ended the party with 1 less tooth than we started with! Now, I don't know about you, but back in my party days, that was the signature for a good time (=

Monday, November 25, 2013

Aubrey Jo is 3


Are you all sick of seeing these photos yet? No? Good, me neither! ;)
 
 
Today, my daughter turns 3. THREE! It's such a strange feeling. To be a mom. To watch time slipping by. To have part of yourself walking around outside of you. To love like you didn't even think ever possible. I am so blessed to be this girl's mama, she really is something special. I know every mom says that... but really... I mean it. She is a beautiful reminder everyday of God's love. I say all the time that He knew exactly what he was doing when he gave me her. He knew what was to come and how much we would need each other, me sometimes needing her as much as (or even more than) she needs me. So many days, she is the only reason I can find to smile.
 
 
When Scarlett was editing these photos late one night, she sent me this one in a text accompanied by a letter "from Aubrey Jo". I got it at 2 am as I was sitting (not really sleeping) in a hospital chair pulled up next to my mom's bed. I sat there and cried reading the words she shared. I was overwhelmed with a feeling of wanting to be able to "kiss it and make it all better" for my mom. And I imagined all the times Aubrey Jo has tried (and sometimes succeeded) at doing that for me.
That's just who she is. She has a heart that can't be matched. She wants everyone around her to be smiling and happy. She wants to share hugs and kisses. She never meets a stranger.
 
 
I am so excited to start another year of adventure and giggles with you. Know that mama is always going to be your best friend. Even when it isn't cool, I got you...
 
 
 
...Fun Facts About Priss Today...
  • Favorite Show: My Little Pony, sprinkled with the occasional Olivia
  • Favorite Movie: RIO... but that changes constantly. Cars is a very close 2nd.
  • You got your 1st ever time out this year. We only utilized it maybe 3 times though. It wasn't quite as effective as the books would lead you to believe...
  • Your favorite person is granny. I really want to say it's me, but that would be a lie.
  • Your favorite foods are M&M's, "papa's" carrots, and waffles from the Huddle House.
  • You only drink your milk with chocolate, and prefer that Mimi mixes it.
  • You change your outfit at least 4 times a day and only wear panties with horsies on them.
  • You love to sing. Especially Old Macdonald & Itsy Bitsy Spider
  • You want to be the baby and get angry when anyone says you're a "big girl"
Two's really weren't as bad as everyone says. I am looking forward to the three's and all the "fun" they will bring (=


Wednesday, November 20, 2013

So What! Wednesday

Life After I Dew

This week I'm saying SO WHAT! if...

  • I got my Christmas cards today. And I hate them. I don't know why... I'm just not as excited as I usually am. I don't have the interest to pay for new ones and go through it all over again. These are going out. Truthfully, it's probably more me than them. Yep, I just used the "it's not you it's me" line against PAPER!
  • I'm still sitting in my pajamas at 1:30 in the afternoon. It happens...
  • I can't afford to go crazy shoe shopping like I usually do & should be making wise choices (brown pair, black pair, shut it down.). Kid needs (another) pair of hot pink boots... I'm sure she will get my money's worth out of them.
  • I like to go to bed around 8pm even though I'm not going to work the next morning. I'm 50 at heart.
  • It's freezing outside. I hate jackets.
  • I want to go straight from Halloween to 2014. I'm afraid our holidays are going to have so much pressure on them that we won't even enjoy them.
  • Laundry is piling up. We can just stay in PJ's, who needs "real" clothes!
  • I tried really hard to come up with blog worthy wish lists for Christmas. Truth is, I want normal things. I'm easy... and boring.

Monday, November 18, 2013

Forever Two



In exactly one week, 7 short days, my little miss priss will be 3 years old.

Last year, she was so excited to turn 2 and told everyone! She kept telling people she was 2, and I would remind her she was still 1 until 12:33 on Nov 25. She was ready for 2.

This year? I am begging her to get excited and she could care less about 3. Three is not as great as two in her mind. Scarlett and I had to beg & plead to recreate the above photo with 3 fingers this year. She MEANS she is 2 and will not hear of 3. No ma'am. Every day I say "Aubrey Jo, in (insert number) days, you will be a whole THREE YEARS OLD!" To which she immediately says "nooo" and holds up 2 fingers. My heart can relate though, since I insisted on turning 22 for 3 years. I guess it was a good year...

The other day she started crying and told me she just wants to stay a little baby and never get big.

Well, my darling daughter, while I can't stop the birthdays from coming, or your tiny body from growing, I can promise you... you will always be my baby.



Friday, November 15, 2013

Five on Friday

Things are kind of crazy around here so I have been super slack. These Friday posts are perfect for what I can muster up lately. So, here we go...

1. My (almost) ex-SIL had twins this week. That same day, Scarlett & Stephen blogged some of the images from Prissy's 3rd year photos. THIRD! My little baby that was once teeny tiny like the newborn photos my ex-in-laws are sharing, will be three years old in 10 days. When did this happen?

2. I appreciate the love, support and prayers I have gotten for my mom from everyone. We have been pretty vague with the details on social media but I have still felt the love through emails, insta, texts and tweets. Her surgery went well, her recovery is going well I guess. I feel like it's not, but the doctor as assured us the symptoms she's showing are expected and he is not concerned. We meet with her oncologist next week to get her treatment plan.
 
3. Every time I pop in on social media I see someone else that has put up their tree. Yall! Stop. Not because I demand that you 'respect the turkey" but because I simply am not ready. With all the other chaos the last few months, I am totally unprepared for the holidays. And if I'm being honest, Really not interested. I have no desire to drag out decorations just to clean them up a month later. I'm sure I will, but I'm worried the mood may not strike until it's a little late. Usually by now I am totally done with all of my shopping and this year I haven't even started! So I guess one thing I am ready for, is the inevitable flurry of blogger gift guides. Sponsored or not, I need some help this year.
 
4. This commercial? Cracks me up. Obvi...
 
 
 
 5. I know. I said stop with the Christmas. BUT I am always in the mood for occasion PJ's! So of course I am going weak in the knees with today's post over on Everyday Cheer.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 


Wednesday, November 6, 2013

Trick-or-Treat



Well. Talk about a little late. We woke up the morning after Halloween and went to Nashville for the weekend and when we got back, we have a house full of family and prepping for my mom's surgery tomorrow. I wanted to sneak away for a couple of minutes though to share Prissy's Halloween pictures. I was new to my job and on night shift last year so I missed it. Basically, I cried all night and thought of all the reasons I hated my husband for screwing up everything. This year, I was so excited to be able to go with her and we had a blast.... once I woke her up. We sat in our friends' driveway for 45 minutes. Yall, FORTY FIVE minutes. She just was refusing to wake up. But it was all worth it when she did wake up and was ready to have a good time with her favorite gal pals.





The very best part though? At the end of the night, I asked her what her favorite part of the night was. It wasn't candy, costumes, running, or any of the usual suspects. It was holding Ky's hand. My.Heart.Exploded. Dead. The twins are like our family and I just love watching them love on her, she looks up to them so much.

Thursday, October 24, 2013

The Hardest Part

Nothing about divorce is "easy" especially if that divorce was by force instead of choice and the result of infidelity. The complications and emotions just layer one on top of the other. It isn't easy. But I think I can safely say the hardest part is realizing it really says nothing about YOU.

I can't count how many times I worried about what all of this means about me. What about me made my husband stray? What about me didn't see it? What about me made people feel like I deserved not to know the truth? What does it say about me that I am divorced? You know... the usual.

Guess what though? Nothing. It.Says.NOTHING! My husband's choices, and the choices of those around him, say nothing about me... but everything about them.

The man who cheated
The women (and I use that term loosely for many reasons) that knew about me and our child but simply didn't care
The family and friends of the man that choose to keep his secrets
The co-workers that looked me in the eye and never let on

THEY are the ones that are defined by their choices. Their choices don't define me. Their choices don't speak to the woman, mother, wife, friend, sister, daughter that I am. I don't understand their choices. I don't understand why he is more appealing when he is abandoning his commitments. But I don't have to. I don't have to because it speaks to their character, not mine... unless I let it.

If I could tell a woman (or man) in my position just one thing, it's that. Their actions say everything about them but nothing about you. Once you can get out of that rut, that nasty place where you are taking blame and thinking maybe you deserved this, you can start to heal and your good days will outnumber your bad before you know it!

Well, that and to quit referring to yourself as "used" or "damaged" goods. But that's another post for another day!

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Halloween Pajama Party

Can you believe it is already Halloween again? Seems like just yesterday I was linking up with Meredith for this same link up.. Remember this? Well, ready or not, it is time again! I'm excited to join Meredith again and Darci this year.

 
I had better luck this year than last but not without some bribery... and she insisted on wearing her wings (that's what I get for calling them "Halloween" jams.) and her boots as usual.







Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Mommy Moments

As women, we know the moment will come. You know... the moment when we realize we have become our mothers. It's inevitable. You will find yourself half-way through the sentence and will just stop, like a deer in headlights, and realize you've heard those words before... from her. It's a very strange feeling.

But you know what moment you don't see coming? The moment when you realize you are your toddler. Yep, the toddler. You will find yourself sitting there, talking to your mama and half-way through the sentence you will just stop, like a deer in headlights... BECAUSE YOU'RE TALKING TO HER THROUGH THE BATHROOM DOOR! God bless it. Two minutes earlier? She was on the couch right beside you. Two minutes later? She will be back there. But, for some reason, the topic hits you as soon as she sits on the toilet. WHYY? I complain about this all.the.time. I just want to potty in peace.

I didn't know if I wanted to die laughing or burst into tears realizing 25 years later, I may still be fighting this fight. My mama says even before I moved back in, she could almost guarantee, no matter how silent the rest of the day was, she would have a missed call from me or my sister when she came out of the bathroom. Ha!

 

Monday, October 21, 2013

Unexpected Inspiration

I mentioned that I am struggling to catch up on my DVR so don't judge me for being so behind on this. I watched last week's DWTS this weekend. Honestly, I like this show but I don't necessarily *love* it so I usually just turn it on while I'm cleaning or something so I can pop in for the dancing and out for the talking.

I was on my knees, head in the oven, trying not to breathe too deeply. Why ovens are even made without a self-clean option I will never know. But that's not what this blog is about. So there I am, cleaning the oven (eye roll) and I hear "With challenges in life, you can either be a victim or do something about it. (...) It's always scary to make a major change in your life, but, you gotta do it..." Naturally, my ears perked up. Then I hear that they chose "Roar" and I was totally tuned in. I love Leah anyways but I totally related to what she was saying. I know she and I are going through different changes, but the message is the same.

Her dance wasn't the best of the night, but I sat in tears watching. It touched me... her words, the song, the strength you find when "stuff hits the fan".



Let's not be silly though... any dance to Britney is going to be a favorite ;) some things never change... watch Snooki "werk" here

Friday, October 18, 2013

Five on Friday

.one.
OK "calling all my girls" for a wardrobe crisis! Someone tell me where I can get Bethenny's top... please? I mean, the woman does no wrong in my book. But this is a good top. It's real good.

.two.
A couple of weeks ago, my friend sent me a link to listen to a message from her church in the relationship series. I really felt like it hit home and I spent the next couple days thinking about it. Then, without thought, I found myself back on that link. And I started listening to the prayer series. I am really excited this series and am doing my "homework" each week. I have really lost (walked away from?) my quiet time with God lately. I ask people for prayer but rarely sat down and prayed myself. I am getting back to the fundamentals and already feel better. Even the days where I literally set my phone timer and just sit there quietly thinking "I have nothing to say to you". I'm there. And I know He is too. All I gotta do is show up. You can watch/listen here.

.three.
Well, I walked in to this yesterday. She had a whole stack of books she was "reading" to him.
 
 
.four.
I am way behind on my DVR. Like, way behind. Like, I just watched the farewell episode. And cried.my.eyes.out! Right? I thought they handled it so gracefully though. I love that they opened with Kurt addressing that they would NOT be addressing how he died. I totally ugly cried with Santana during "If I Die Young" and basically couldn't recover from then on. Got me.
 
.five.
Right?
 
 
 

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