Saturday, March 23, 2013

Cheating Fasting

I have blogged about my prayer shortcomings before. So really, this post should not surprise anyone...

I was really struggling with some tests that were put in front of me last month. Scarlett and I were texting about it & she suggested I try fasting with my prayer. Here's the thing, I am a really poor eater as it is. As in.. I may go days without eating anyways just because I'm stressed out. So I decided instead to cut out coffee for a week. Sounds simple enough, right? Not so much.. I was surprised how much I struggled. Coffee is as natural to my system as blood and oxygen. Not to mention, just the mental hurdles of throwing off my mornings. Which left me feeling like I was "forgetting something" all day. Literally, I would sit at my desk and be like "did I brush my teeth this morning?" since my routine was to brush right after my coffee which of course I wasn't having anymore.

So... I quit that after about... 3 days.
Surprised, anyone? I didn't think so.

But I did try something else. After all, the mission was to intensify my prayers right?
I'm the queen of excuses. And distractions. I had every reason to tell myself why I wasn't able to just stop, be still, and pray at home. So I decided to utilize the only time I am alone each day.. the drive to/from work. Just over 30 minutes each way. I decided I would use that time to just dive right into my prayers. Turn off the radio and just be with God...

Well, that took care of the excuses... but not so much the distractions. I would be mid-prayer and realize I was actually reliving a conversation from years ago, mentally noting my to-do list, making up life stories for the people in cars beside me.. you name it. So easily distracted. I imagine God was thinking "I wish she would just turn the radio back on. I'd rather listen to Britney Spears & Taylor Swift than these rambling thoughts."

So... I quit that after about... 3 days.
Surprised, anyone? I didn't think so.

But I did try something else. Third time is a charm, I guess.
What I did is allow myself to turn on the radio on that ride, but only to worship music. I have a few CD's that I really like and have had for years. On about.. day 3 (surprise!) my CD player in my truck quit working. Annoying.. but I think it was God's way of seeing how serious I was. I was asking for some pretty serious things from him, and so far, had only been able to commit to giving about 3 days at a time..

So I found a radio station I really liked. (KLOVE- I think it is a nationwide station so I suggest you find where it airs in your area) I didn't know a lot of the songs at first since obviously I've been listening to the same CD's for 10 years but I quickly found a few favorites. And what I found is that I would have the songs stuck in my head all day. In between my calls, while waiting on hold, walking across the parking lot, eating my lunch, all day. I was singing these songs.. I was praising the Lord. And I was praying. All. Day. Long.

So perhaps I cheated my fasting plan. But I think it led to something even better. A new pre-set on my radio and still my most listened to station. I sing to Him all day. And the conversations between the songs make me stop and think, and sometimes cry. It started as a week, and here I am over a month later and I think I will instead call it a change in lifestyle. Which, if you ask me, is even better.

Friday, March 22, 2013

Easter Bunny 2013

Happy Easter!

Aubrey Jo did SO well with Santa that is never occurred to me she would possibly do this. We walked up & she was fine, as long as there was a fence. As soon as we walked up to him though? I have had better luck bathing cats! As you can see, I even tried holding EB's hand.. that just pissed her off.....

And then....
 Oh look, EB carries change. That's right folks. This mama & that Easter Bunny bribed a 2 year old with 2 pennies. She was FURIOUS that we were going to let him keep "papas money" that she promptly got over her fear and walked right up to him. Everyone has a price, and today, her's was $0.02
Anyone with money is a friend of hers.

Seriously, hugs & kisses as we were leaving... nobody could believe this was the same kid that wouldn't even open her eyes 30 minutes ago (yes, seriously this was an event).

Thursday, March 21, 2013

Wordless Wednesday

Dukes of Hazzard Reunion & car show
(this was scheduled for yesterday but for some reason my phone is delaying all my posts)

Friday, March 15, 2013

Mamas Cry Too

I can't think of more than maybe twice I've ever seen my mom cry. She's a rock. She's our rock. She keeps our family (and her shit) together.

I'm sure she cries. But she "saves those tears for her pillow" as Abby Lee would say. We never saw her weak.

I think that's good. Someone has to be strong. And she played that role well.

I'm not like my mama. I'm a crier. I always have been. Happy, sad, whatever, I cry. It's what I do. My family pokes fun at it & always rolls their eyes & remind me of 8th & 9th grade where they claim I was at an all time emotional crazy level. I think I was normal. We agree to disagree.

(Actually, we disagree on that too. I'm right. There will be no agreement until they agree with that. )

Anyways. I thought when I became a mama, that "weakness" would fade & I would magically become a rock like my mama. I try. But sometimes? Mama needs a breakdown. Mama tries to wait until after bedtime. But sometimes I can't.

Sometimes mama has to cry the whole way to daycare. Sometimes mama has to cry while I'm cleaning a play kitchen for the millionth time. Sometimes those tears are because I'm sick to death of cleaning the same messes... Other times it's because I know this time is fleeting & I regret not being home to make the mess. Sometimes mama has to cry during bath time because I remember the first bath. Sometimes mama has to cry when we're doing something awesome because I wish like hell I had someone to share those moments with.

Mamas cry too. I admire my mama for always being strong for us. I know one day Aubrey Jo will know what I had to do for us & she will know I was strong. For her. I don't know when that day will come, but I know one day it will.

Until then, though, my prayer is that she will see even (especially) through my weakness, He is strong.

But he replied, “My gift of undeserved grace is all you need. My power is strongest when you are weak.” So if Christ keeps giving me his power, I will gladly brag about how weak I am.
(2 Corinthians 12:9 CEV)

Monday, March 11, 2013

Forehead Kisses

I remember in the beginning of our relationship, my (almost) ex-husband would give me kisses on my forehead. I think every girl would agree, those are the best kind. More affectionate than any other kiss. When he did it, I felt safe. I was his. I felt like the only woman in the world. (ha! If only I knew then...)

But, I'm here to tell you. Those butterflies I got from a man's kiss on my forehead? Nothing. Nothing compared to what I felt at nap time today when I laid down next to my daughter & got a forehead kiss from her. She's sick so I called in to work & we were up all night so I joined her for nap time. She propped up on her elbow beside me, moved my hair, and swooped down to kiss me right on my forehead. She then smiled, laid down & pulled my arm over her. I was at a loss. A complete loss. The pure, honest, unconditional love of a child is the most amazing feeling in the world. I have never felt anything I can compare the feeling to. I fell asleep wrapped around her with tears in my eyes. I literally could FEEL my heart growing in size. This little girl keeps me surviving.

Friday, March 8, 2013

Where's my Baby?

I have been putting Aubrey Jo in more and more smocks lately. Smocking = baby to me. And I must admit, I am in complete & total denial at how quickly she is growing up. For her first day of "school" she insisted on wearing her leopard cardigan. So I skipped the smocks and let her win this one. Yall... look how grown she is! This is why I like to stick to over sized solid bows and smocks these days. I can't even handle this...

Also? She insisted on putting on her makeup. Wasn't walking out the door without her lip gloss.... Who is this big girl and where's my baby?

Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Aubrey Jo Update

Just a quick update on Miss Priss.. in photos

She is obsessed with the self portrait mode on my phone. I have to delete dozens of them a day.
She really gets excited when other people will "cheeeeeese" for her!

I moved to an earlier shift and am doing bath time routine again. I love it. She loves those little bath color tablets. I can't get her to bathe in normal water anymore.

We have started her big girl room. She loves it and while I am still in shock at the prices of this crap, I love it too!

Some of you may know, Aubrey Jo quit talking last year. She has developed her own sign language and communicates pretty well in her own ways. She has started saying a few things again though. I think she may mix up the sounds of her m & d though. I won't know more until she expands her vocabulary a little more though. But for now, I am "dada" when she says it. But if I say "am I dada?" she says "no! dada" and I say "am I mama?" and she nods "dada". Maddie our dog is daddie. Mimi is deedee. But if WE say dada deedee or daddie, she gets really mad and makes us say it right. So she hears it right, but isn't saying it herself. Obviously, I wish she would call me *anything* but dada. I don't mind the dog being daddie though. ;)

We got lots and lots of rain. Like for days on end. Once we had a pretty day, we could not keep these 2 out of the puddles! They are the best of friends
We are co-sleeping still. I love being there when she falls asleep and when she wakes up.
She is doing a lot better now too. However.. as you can see... she is kind of a bed hog.

She has broken 3 pairs of mimi's glasses so far... but I mean that face is so cute, none of us can say no.

She started preschool this week. She loves it. She made tons of new friends. She was happy to see mimi when she picked her up, but wanted mimi to stay there with her rather than going home. The only thing we gotta work on though is drinking. No lids/straws at school. So we have to get busy working on drinking from a big girl cup. I say she's still just a baby!!

Thank you, Nene!

"Keep your legs closed to married men!"

Nene said it best.

I'm so sick of hearing "it's not her fault, he's the one that cheated."

Well, hypothetically, what if the (alleged) homewrecking whore was married too. Then could you blame her too? Hypothetically.

What if, hypothetically, women just had the common decency to leave other women alone? Or if, hypothetically, they just raised their standards & decided they deserve to be more than "the other woman"?

"I didn't know" well, hypothetically, when you started "flirty texting" this man you did a quick google search. Land on his Facebook. Hypothetically, I bet he had pictures or statuses of his wife & child. Hypothetically.

"All we talk about is how much he wants his family back." well, hypothetically, his family probably left because he was too busy "talking" to you. Hypothetically. Tell him to go "talk" to his wife instead. Hypothetically, perhaps you have someone at home too that YOU should be "talking" to?

"he isn't really happy with her." Hypothetically, if he is a little tied up with you all the time, then no. He probably isn't happy with her... Or putting forth the effort to GET happy again. Also, she probably suspects that you exist & isn't interested in making HIM "happy." hypothetically.

All of this is hypothetical of course. Not based on any real life people or events. Just sayin....

Monday, March 4, 2013

What ya Readin?

Recently, I've read some really great books!
 This book has completely changed the way I pray. The way I look at prayer. I mean.. it's a really great book. Really. Great. Book. I can't imagine that anyone would read this & not walk away rethinking their prayer life. Most the times, I read a book once then give it to a friend. Well, I'm being selfish with this one. I want to re-read it. Many many times.
 I will admit, I am only about half way through. But I really have enjoyed this book. I think especially mamas or soon to be mamas would enjoy it.
Haha.. umm OK so this book is 100% different than the other 2. I mean, there is talk of threesomes, f-bombs & a homewrecking whore. But, I love Brandi. And woah! Could I possibly relate any more to a stranger? The only difference in our situations are a few extra 0's in the bank. If you like Brandi, you will love this book. I could hear her voice while I was reading it.

What are you reading? Anything good?
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