Saturday, March 23, 2013

Cheating Fasting

I have blogged about my prayer shortcomings before. So really, this post should not surprise anyone...

I was really struggling with some tests that were put in front of me last month. Scarlett and I were texting about it & she suggested I try fasting with my prayer. Here's the thing, I am a really poor eater as it is. As in.. I may go days without eating anyways just because I'm stressed out. So I decided instead to cut out coffee for a week. Sounds simple enough, right? Not so much.. I was surprised how much I struggled. Coffee is as natural to my system as blood and oxygen. Not to mention, just the mental hurdles of throwing off my mornings. Which left me feeling like I was "forgetting something" all day. Literally, I would sit at my desk and be like "did I brush my teeth this morning?" since my routine was to brush right after my coffee which of course I wasn't having anymore.

So... I quit that after about... 3 days.
Surprised, anyone? I didn't think so.

But I did try something else. After all, the mission was to intensify my prayers right?
I'm the queen of excuses. And distractions. I had every reason to tell myself why I wasn't able to just stop, be still, and pray at home. So I decided to utilize the only time I am alone each day.. the drive to/from work. Just over 30 minutes each way. I decided I would use that time to just dive right into my prayers. Turn off the radio and just be with God...

Well, that took care of the excuses... but not so much the distractions. I would be mid-prayer and realize I was actually reliving a conversation from years ago, mentally noting my to-do list, making up life stories for the people in cars beside me.. you name it. So easily distracted. I imagine God was thinking "I wish she would just turn the radio back on. I'd rather listen to Britney Spears & Taylor Swift than these rambling thoughts."

So... I quit that after about... 3 days.
Surprised, anyone? I didn't think so.

But I did try something else. Third time is a charm, I guess.
What I did is allow myself to turn on the radio on that ride, but only to worship music. I have a few CD's that I really like and have had for years. On about.. day 3 (surprise!) my CD player in my truck quit working. Annoying.. but I think it was God's way of seeing how serious I was. I was asking for some pretty serious things from him, and so far, had only been able to commit to giving about 3 days at a time..

So I found a radio station I really liked. (KLOVE- I think it is a nationwide station so I suggest you find where it airs in your area) I didn't know a lot of the songs at first since obviously I've been listening to the same CD's for 10 years but I quickly found a few favorites. And what I found is that I would have the songs stuck in my head all day. In between my calls, while waiting on hold, walking across the parking lot, eating my lunch, all day. I was singing these songs.. I was praising the Lord. And I was praying. All. Day. Long.

So perhaps I cheated my fasting plan. But I think it led to something even better. A new pre-set on my radio and still my most listened to station. I sing to Him all day. And the conversations between the songs make me stop and think, and sometimes cry. It started as a week, and here I am over a month later and I think I will instead call it a change in lifestyle. Which, if you ask me, is even better.

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