Friday, March 15, 2013

Mamas Cry Too

I can't think of more than maybe twice I've ever seen my mom cry. She's a rock. She's our rock. She keeps our family (and her shit) together.

I'm sure she cries. But she "saves those tears for her pillow" as Abby Lee would say. We never saw her weak.

I think that's good. Someone has to be strong. And she played that role well.

I'm not like my mama. I'm a crier. I always have been. Happy, sad, whatever, I cry. It's what I do. My family pokes fun at it & always rolls their eyes & remind me of 8th & 9th grade where they claim I was at an all time emotional crazy level. I think I was normal. We agree to disagree.

(Actually, we disagree on that too. I'm right. There will be no agreement until they agree with that. )

Anyways. I thought when I became a mama, that "weakness" would fade & I would magically become a rock like my mama. I try. But sometimes? Mama needs a breakdown. Mama tries to wait until after bedtime. But sometimes I can't.

Sometimes mama has to cry the whole way to daycare. Sometimes mama has to cry while I'm cleaning a play kitchen for the millionth time. Sometimes those tears are because I'm sick to death of cleaning the same messes... Other times it's because I know this time is fleeting & I regret not being home to make the mess. Sometimes mama has to cry during bath time because I remember the first bath. Sometimes mama has to cry when we're doing something awesome because I wish like hell I had someone to share those moments with.

Mamas cry too. I admire my mama for always being strong for us. I know one day Aubrey Jo will know what I had to do for us & she will know I was strong. For her. I don't know when that day will come, but I know one day it will.

Until then, though, my prayer is that she will see even (especially) through my weakness, He is strong.

But he replied, “My gift of undeserved grace is all you need. My power is strongest when you are weak.” So if Christ keeps giving me his power, I will gladly brag about how weak I am.
(2 Corinthians 12:9 CEV)

1 comment:

  1. Now this Mama is crying. I know exactly what you're talking about.
    Beer and chit-chat asap!


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