Monday, April 29, 2013

Snakes Don't Bluff

A friend recently told me "when a snake tells you it's a snake, just take his word for it"

I laughed when I thought of that later. Talk about making someone feel dumb. He had no idea who he was talking to obviously…

Once upon a time, I stumbled across a snake in the grass. He hissed, but I guess I didn't notice. I saw his family, all snakes, who told me he is a snake like them. I didn't believe them. He hissed, but I plugged my ears. Then one day he finally bit me. Fortunately, I had a venom extractor kit, so I recovered and went back to that grassy spot. He bit me again… this time, I was out of options. He got me. Yet, as I laid there crying, slowly losing myself in the pain, I still believed that though he looks like a snake, hisses like a snake, and bites like a snake, perhaps really he's just a nasty little caterpillar. I foolishly waited for him to become a butterfly.
He's not going to become a butterfly & fly above his family of snakes in the grass. He's a snake. It's not his fault. And it's not mine. But snakes don't bluff… if they hiss, you should consider picnics in a different park before you're shaking through a cold sweat after multiple bites just hoping to survive the next day.

Just saying…

Saturday, April 27, 2013

Apologies for Dummies

If you're going to apologize, do it right. I'm going to outline the 3 (seemingly) simple steps to apologizing.

(cool mom bonus points for blogging in Special Agent Oso fashion)

Step 1:
Recognize you messed up. Every addict knows the first step is admitting you have a problem. And let's be honest, if you need this post for reference (you know who you are) then it's likely YOU are the problem.

Step 2:
Showing sincere remorse for your actions. I really don't care how you do it. We live in a world where cyber is accepted. But face to face is always best. That way the person you are apologizing to can HEAR and SEE your tone. It requires fewer words than trying to convey those feelings via text. Which means less opportunity for you to put your foot in your mouth & screw it all up. But if you do… refer back to step 1.

Step 3:
DO SOMETHING. Or, more often, DON'T! Meaning, an apology is just words unless you follow it up with actions. Changing that part of you that makes you such a douchebag to always need to be apologizing. This is the most important step! And often, much like lathering & rinsing, needs to be repeated. You have to act like you've changed more than just in 1 circumstance for anyone to believe your remorse was sincere (step 2).

That's it!

And of course, if that doesn't work, Or if your ass has used this method too many times for it to be effective....

THIS NEVER FAILS



Saturday, April 20, 2013

The Response

Wow! Thank you all for the responses. I had lots of tweets, texts, emails, IG comments & Facebook messages. It's funny though how many people sent private messages & ended with "I'm curious what kind of responses you get".

We are all in this together. Children of divorce, mothers of children of divorce, it's nice to know you aren't alone.

So I'm going to share some of the highlights of all the responses I received.

Basically…

All children want to know they are loved (obviously. Divorce or not).
They want to know their parents were happy & in love at one point. Especially in my case, Aubrey Jo will not have any memories of us together. Or children who are old enough to have overwhelming memories of the bad even leading up to the divorce.
Here's the thing though, they don't want to shoulder the responsibility for their parents' feelings- good or bad.

They don't want to hear your laundry list of issues with their other parent. This is something I think almost every single response included. I'll be honest, when I read that one, I thought "well duh". BUT when someone else added "don't respond negatively to anything she says HE said about you" I realized its not as "well duh" as I thought. I (stupidly) hadn't even considered when she is with him, he may say, do, or expose her to things I wouldn't. And how hard is it going to be to sit & say nothing to her when she is sharing stories from their visit? I get pissed just thinking about it. I am going to need to start praying on this one now! One day she will be older & can make her own decisions about us. Until then, it's not for us to influence her opinion negatively. No matter how much it hurts to force a smile or nice word.

It seems like most children DO grow up to become adults who understand their parents are better apart. BUT they still want to know their parents tried. And I feel like I will be prepared to answer that question when she's ready. Yes. I tried. I fought. I stayed probably longer than I should. I cried. I prayed. I begged & pleaded. I did absolutely everything I could to try to save my marriage.

I will continue to love her & put her first. I will stay in the word. I will pray for her & with her. I will make sure that she is considered before bringing future boyfriends around. I will make sure I set an example for her in my relationships. More importantly, I will make sure she knows she doesn't NEED to be in a relationship to be happy. I will make sure she knows I believe in marriage, I believe that it's worth fighting for, and I believe it is meant to be forever.

I appreciate all your input & support and welcome the emails anytime! We have to support & encourage each other through this crazy journey of motherhood. Divorce or not, motherhood is a lot.

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

So What!

Today, I'm joining Shannon & saying "so what" to...

The fact that I started this post last Thursday... Surely I'm not the first person to lose track of the days.

Being dead tired at work all day after an all night movie marathon. My baby was sick & wanted to watch Tangled just "one more time"

Those lemon drop cupcakes I bought at Sam's last night… I bought kale too so it balances, right?

Not spending the weekend in Florida; I have a full DVR just waiting on me!

90 degrees outside? That's great, but it's still freezing in the Gecko building so my wardrobe really hasn't changed. The looks I get in my sweater picking up my tank top clad toddler never get old.

Yes, this morning I was tough mom threatening to go home & nap before picking up Priss from school. But by noon, I didn't care about how early 4am was, I'm just ready to get my boo early & love on her!

I cannot get enough of snacking on bananas with "White Chocolate Wonderful" peanut butter. I mean, it's like I'm pregnant again the way I crave it. Except when I was pregnant, it was watermelon & frozen grapes.

It's "just clothes" I joined the crazies for the fight for that bohemian short set on SA and won.. and it was SO worth it! I couldn't stop grinning when she wore it to school. In my mind, ALL parents are as stupid as I am and were green with envy when they saw her lol... (yes, I realize she is probably the only child there with a "facebook" wardrobe!)

I may or may not have been short on $$ so compensated my babysitter with liquor. I swear she is 21! And she said "I like cocktails" so to me that said "I accept booze for payment after a day with your child".

Not actually being their "aunt" (as I was reminded) I am still very excited for my (almost ex)BIL & SIL who recently found out they are pregnant with TWINS! Go figure it takes us not being family anymore for me to be at the best place with said SIL and actually want to be part of their excitement & let them be in on mine.

SO WHAT!!

So What Wednesday

What are you saying "so what" to?

Saturday, April 13, 2013

Children of Divorce

I get it. Divorce is messy, sad, confusing. For everyone, but I imagine especially for children who have no choice in the matter.

I wonder though, do all children of divorce really just want their family together? Do any of those children turn into adults & find that they are actually better off coming from a divorce than a home with unhappily married parents? Do any children whose parents stayed in a bad marriage "for the kids" turn into adults & look back and wish someone would have just been brave enough to leave?

I obviously have selfish reasons for asking. My parents are still married; my grandparents are still married. I come from a family where "marriage is hard but you make it work" but I also come from a family where BOTH spouses are working for it. So I'm fortunate in that I don't know how a child of divorce may feel. But I know this divorce has me questioning every single aspect of my life. Especially when it comes to my young daughter & what this will mean for her.

So I'm asking you. Children of divorced parents, or parents who should have divorced, where do I go from here? What do you wish your mom (or dad) would have known? When did you get over the fantasy? Or did you? Help me.

You don't have to comment, shoot me an email! JulianneTurner25@gmail.com

Monday, April 8, 2013

A Time for Dating

I talk about divorce a lot. I mean, obviously. But let's not forget something else that sounds equally as miserable… dating.

First, when is it appropriate? I've been separated almost a year. I'm still legally married. Where does God come down on the adultery line? Where do the judgey mcjudgers come down? My daughter? Hell, I'm not even sure where MY line is drawn.

S-E-X.... Need I say more? Can a mom claim to want to wait? I mean, shocker! I'm not a virgin anymore. High School wasn't easy so I am terrified of what pressures await me now. S-E-X... And don't even start on the S-T-D. Right!?

When do I mention the very best part of me? My daughter. How much is too much? How soon is too soon? And frankly, how do I convince myself to leave her to go spend any amount of time with some man?

The thought of butterflies in my stomach actually makes me feel queasy. So awkward. And uncomfortable. And inconvenient. And slow.

And… do I have to fill in the (not quite) ex? There's a whole new blog post in itself.

Have you dated after marriage? How'd it go? Is there a manual that I didn't receive with my First Wives Club welcome packet?

Are YOU a silent judger? Will you judge me? Tell me where YOU draw your judgement lines!

Thursday, April 4, 2013

Thankful Thursday

I haven't sat down to a Thankful Thursday post in a while. So I think it's time...

I'm thankful for...
  • My recent weight loss. Even though I can't really afford new pants, I am grateful to be feeling a little more confident with each day. But don't be looking for any teeny bikinis this summer ;)
  • As always, the awesome friends I have made through the little ole internet that continue to send me sweet messages and notes to remind me I am being thought of and I'm certainly not alone.
  • A reliable pay check. I complain a lot about my job. But it puts clothes on my baby's back and food in her tummy so I can't complain too much, right?
  • The knowledge that just because someone says it, doesn't make it so. And thankful for the people in my life that know the truth and have faith in me. (this goes double for tattoos. Just because you ink it, doesn't make it true... just a side thought.)
  • My new earlier shift. I get to be there when my daughter wakes up and when she goes to sleep each day. You don't realize how much you miss the little things until you aren't getting to do them for a few months.
  • DVR! I mean seriously, how did we function before DVRs? You could only watch 1 show at a time.. and was forced to sit through commercials. GROSS!
  • Instagram... a good filter can hide a multitude of flaws ;)
  • Jesus Calling. I feel like it has been popping up all over the place lately. So if you have been under a rock and still haven't purchased this devotional, go get it! And get an extra one while you're at it because you will want to share it with a friend!
What are you thankful for today?

Monday, April 1, 2013

Wordless Wednesday















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