Monday, April 8, 2013

A Time for Dating

I talk about divorce a lot. I mean, obviously. But let's not forget something else that sounds equally as miserable… dating.

First, when is it appropriate? I've been separated almost a year. I'm still legally married. Where does God come down on the adultery line? Where do the judgey mcjudgers come down? My daughter? Hell, I'm not even sure where MY line is drawn.

S-E-X.... Need I say more? Can a mom claim to want to wait? I mean, shocker! I'm not a virgin anymore. High School wasn't easy so I am terrified of what pressures await me now. S-E-X... And don't even start on the S-T-D. Right!?

When do I mention the very best part of me? My daughter. How much is too much? How soon is too soon? And frankly, how do I convince myself to leave her to go spend any amount of time with some man?

The thought of butterflies in my stomach actually makes me feel queasy. So awkward. And uncomfortable. And inconvenient. And slow.

And… do I have to fill in the (not quite) ex? There's a whole new blog post in itself.

Have you dated after marriage? How'd it go? Is there a manual that I didn't receive with my First Wives Club welcome packet?

Are YOU a silent judger? Will you judge me? Tell me where YOU draw your judgement lines!

1 comment:

  1. My fiance is a divorced dad. I knew him before, so I knew he had a child, but within the first few phone calls we established who had custody (him) and he basically told me that his son came first. That was hard to hear, but I also thought it made him sound like a good dad. He went out on dates about a 8 or 9 months after filing for divorce but always had the thought that he and his ex would get back together for the good of their son. Then I guess things got really bad one night and he knew he'd never be with her again and then about a month later we started dating. He had filed for divorce about 18 months before we started dating and the judge signed the decree about 2 months into our dating.. However, since I knew he had a child and had been married I asked if he was legally divorced and he said yes!!! His attorney told him that he filed for a bifurcated divorce and it went through...but actually his ex had filed an objection so it took longer than he thought and we didn't find out until we'd been dating for about 6 months... OOPS! Thinking back, I know he was over their marriage, had grieved, etc, so even if I knew he was just waiting for a signed decree, I would have gotten involved. But, I think that if he wasn't ready then we wouldn't have worked out in the first place. In Utah there's a mandatory 3 month wait before a judge signs the decree..I think that if you've passed the mandatory wait, you're both actively working on trying to get divorced and if it feels right, then you can date. Who cares what other people think or say. They know that the divorce has been filed..for all they know, the decree is signed. If you meet an amazing guy, go for it. Don't hold back just because of the paper...but at the same time, you have to make sure that you are mentally ready. That's the most important thing. Then, just go with your gut. I'd tell him about your daughter ASAP. But don't introduce until you're sure...and I don't think you need to tell your ex you are dating.


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