Saturday, April 20, 2013

The Response

Wow! Thank you all for the responses. I had lots of tweets, texts, emails, IG comments & Facebook messages. It's funny though how many people sent private messages & ended with "I'm curious what kind of responses you get".

We are all in this together. Children of divorce, mothers of children of divorce, it's nice to know you aren't alone.

So I'm going to share some of the highlights of all the responses I received.

Basically…

All children want to know they are loved (obviously. Divorce or not).
They want to know their parents were happy & in love at one point. Especially in my case, Aubrey Jo will not have any memories of us together. Or children who are old enough to have overwhelming memories of the bad even leading up to the divorce.
Here's the thing though, they don't want to shoulder the responsibility for their parents' feelings- good or bad.

They don't want to hear your laundry list of issues with their other parent. This is something I think almost every single response included. I'll be honest, when I read that one, I thought "well duh". BUT when someone else added "don't respond negatively to anything she says HE said about you" I realized its not as "well duh" as I thought. I (stupidly) hadn't even considered when she is with him, he may say, do, or expose her to things I wouldn't. And how hard is it going to be to sit & say nothing to her when she is sharing stories from their visit? I get pissed just thinking about it. I am going to need to start praying on this one now! One day she will be older & can make her own decisions about us. Until then, it's not for us to influence her opinion negatively. No matter how much it hurts to force a smile or nice word.

It seems like most children DO grow up to become adults who understand their parents are better apart. BUT they still want to know their parents tried. And I feel like I will be prepared to answer that question when she's ready. Yes. I tried. I fought. I stayed probably longer than I should. I cried. I prayed. I begged & pleaded. I did absolutely everything I could to try to save my marriage.

I will continue to love her & put her first. I will stay in the word. I will pray for her & with her. I will make sure that she is considered before bringing future boyfriends around. I will make sure I set an example for her in my relationships. More importantly, I will make sure she knows she doesn't NEED to be in a relationship to be happy. I will make sure she knows I believe in marriage, I believe that it's worth fighting for, and I believe it is meant to be forever.

I appreciate all your input & support and welcome the emails anytime! We have to support & encourage each other through this crazy journey of motherhood. Divorce or not, motherhood is a lot.

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