Tuesday, September 3, 2013

Stop That Shit!

This is another one of those posts that I feel like NEEDS to be posted but as many times as I have sat down to write it, I just can't put it in words to make sense. I can't make it pretty. I can't make it witty. And, frankly, I can't get through it without crying. Not crying because of the words, but because of the feelings... words are powerful, thoughts are even more powerful. That whole "sticks and stones" bit? Bullshit.
 

I have a sister only 3 years apart in age. We have been compared from day 1: oh, this one slept better, this one eats better, this one potty trained sooner, this one talked earlier, this one made us laugh all the time, this one was more sensitive. As we grew up, it only became more and more: this one excels at school, this one is an athlete, this one is so social, this one is prettier, this one is a better driver, this one tumbled further, this one turned longer, this one is the troublemaker, this one dresses better, this one has cuter boyfriends. As adults? You guys, still compared... how we run our homes, raise our children, balance our husbands, incomes, cooking & cleaning, calling granny. It never ends. I suppose it's natural, but you can never win... and you become trained to mentally compare yourself.
 
Allow me to break it down... I lived in an apartment with my husband, we shared a vehicle that I bought before our marriage and is running on it's last leg, was absolutely despised by his entire family, my husband cheated and abandoned his responsibilities, I moved back home with my parents, working in an entry level position that I don't have a passion for at all, no prospect of husband #2 and certainly no promise of more grandbabies. I'm losing.
 
Does it stop though? Hellz no. In fact, my mom and I (bless her heart) were talking about some things going on in my sister's life this weekend and I'll be damned if it didn't turn in to how she did it vs how I did it. Something in me jumped on the defensive, I was hurt, embarrassed and frankly, pissed the eff off. Everything my mom said the rest of the day annoyed me.
 
What's worse though? I do it to myself. See that up there? ^^^ I just did it to myself. I compared myself to my sister and painted myself the loser. Which brings me to my next point...




This could have read:
I lived in a beautiful apartment in paradise near the beach that my husband allowed me to decorate just how I liked it, I was responsible enough as a teenager to buy my own vehicle that provided for my family without the worry of a car payment, was absolutely despised by his entire family (actually, this is just fact. I guess I could spin it with WHY they hated me, but... that's an old post from an old blog), I was smart and strong enough to move on and leave a man that wasn't willing to love us instead of staying in a dead relationship for appearances, I am blessed with an awesome family that took us in without hesitation, I found a job quickly and go to work everyday working towards a better life, I am focused on myself and my daughter instead of rushing into the arms of the next man that says he will take care of me. I'm not competing with my sister but I am doing a hell of a lot better than the ME from a year ago.

Why do we jump straight to the negative? And this isn't even just my sister. Siblings are the closest and easiest measuring sticks when looking for flaws in ones self. But I compare myself to the ladies on my instagram and twitter feeds, my ex-in-laws, my old HS friend on facebook, the girl sitting next to me at work, the woman in line behind me at Kroger... you name it.

I know I'm not the only one guilty of this. We all do it. And we all need to STOP THAT SHIT! Just stop it. Stop comparing yourself to the person next to you, stop letting other people compare you to them... and please, for the love, stop putting yourself down before someone else has the chance. Maybe, just maybe, they weren't going to jump to those same conclusions.. hell, if you don't say it first, they may not have even noticed. Like when we post a photo on insta and then immediately comment "please ignore the huge zit on my chin" guess what? I didn't even notice it until I read that caption then had to scroll back up and take a closer look. Stop it. You're beautiful.

3 comments:

  1. I love this so much it is so true! Thank you!

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  2. AMEN to all of this. You are so right and your spin is so right. I adore my in-laws, since day one they have treated me like family and I am so thankful for that. I know how hard it is to date someone and not fit in with their family, thankfully I didn't marry into that but I almost did... in the past.

    That begin said, we are constantly compared to my husband's siblings. And it makes me sad. Because we rent a home, own one vehicle, don't have children (let's put it in perspective - we've been married almost 2 years, and dating almost 9... only been MARRIED 2 YEARS... granted I'm going to be 37, but shouldn't it be MY biological clock ticking?) Bottom line we are not rushing anything in life, the house, the kids it will all come in due time as will a second car. His two younger brothers are both in steady relationships, one was married and all ready divorced after 3 years and HIS infidelity. Now she's stuck selling a home, she can't afford, being a single mom (sound familiar) and left in the dust. I don't see that happening to my hubby and I but why rush it? I don't want to rush into a home, etc. His other bro- doing well with the girlfriend they've purchased land to build a home. I guess parents just have a total PLAN for us and when we don't follow that plan they fear failure. Instead they should see that we all have our own plans and do stuff on our own time and frankly plan A doesn't always workout - and that leaves room for BETTER PLANS!!!

    You got this girl - and you are a beautiful woman taking time to figure it all out!! Thanks for posting this and making us all realize we have our own plans, our own positives and no need to bring up negatives!!!

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    Replies
    1. I was reading this and nodding along the whole time. Why do we do this to ourselves? But also, why do parents do this to us? My in-laws were really bad about comparing too- my husband had 3 brothers & each relationship couldn't have been more different. This is 1 lesson I am going to really try to hold on to if I am blessed with more children.

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