Thursday, October 24, 2013

The Hardest Part

Nothing about divorce is "easy" especially if that divorce was by force instead of choice and the result of infidelity. The complications and emotions just layer one on top of the other. It isn't easy. But I think I can safely say the hardest part is realizing it really says nothing about YOU.

I can't count how many times I worried about what all of this means about me. What about me made my husband stray? What about me didn't see it? What about me made people feel like I deserved not to know the truth? What does it say about me that I am divorced? You know... the usual.

Guess what though? Nothing. It.Says.NOTHING! My husband's choices, and the choices of those around him, say nothing about me... but everything about them.

The man who cheated
The women (and I use that term loosely for many reasons) that knew about me and our child but simply didn't care
The family and friends of the man that choose to keep his secrets
The co-workers that looked me in the eye and never let on

THEY are the ones that are defined by their choices. Their choices don't define me. Their choices don't speak to the woman, mother, wife, friend, sister, daughter that I am. I don't understand their choices. I don't understand why he is more appealing when he is abandoning his commitments. But I don't have to. I don't have to because it speaks to their character, not mine... unless I let it.

If I could tell a woman (or man) in my position just one thing, it's that. Their actions say everything about them but nothing about you. Once you can get out of that rut, that nasty place where you are taking blame and thinking maybe you deserved this, you can start to heal and your good days will outnumber your bad before you know it!

Well, that and to quit referring to yourself as "used" or "damaged" goods. But that's another post for another day!

1 comment:

  1. YOU TELL EM! Although I am not going through the same thing as you are, this may be the BEST post I've read pertaining to the issue. Growing up, I watched my momma go through this with my real Dad and though now I know she was hurting and questioning- she stayed so strong for us (my sister and I) Really quick and then I'll shut-up- she then met my step-father (who I consider the leading man in my life and he walked me down the aisle two months ago) and life came together as a second chance on love. Everyone says "everything happens for a reason" but I believe it to be true. Sorry that you have to deal with the bad choices of others but know that there are so many on your side! YOU ARE FABULOUS!

    xoxo Jess

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