Thursday, April 17, 2014

Confessions

I have done these almost-ex-wife confessions before. It's been a while though. And some of my new confessions are kinda fun!

I have my own phone. My own plan. My own account. My very own. I've never had my own phone before. I went from my parents', to my husband's, back to my parents' line. A couple months ago though I established my very own. Nobody else monitoring my usage, reminding me about a balance, or being able to get pissed off at me & threaten to shut it off. So nice!

On that same subject, I BOUGHT A BED! I have never bought any piece of furniture that was bought & paid for BY me, FOR me. It wasn't gifted, it wasn't for "us" and I didn't have to ask anyone else's permission or opinion. (I mean, I did ask my good friend with a great eye for style, but you know what I mean) I can't wait now to buy every single table, picture frame, trash can and all the furnishings -big and small! Bring it on, it feels good. 

I'm really excited about this opportunity. I never thought I would be leading by example in some of the things I am now. I don't just have to tell my daughter about dating and standards, I get to show her. It's a lot of pressure but I'm ready! I get to show her about loving yourself, about taking care of yourself, about taking accountability & not having someone else to blame. I get to show her what a woman on her own looks like. I get to show her that while having THE RIGHT man is great, you don't have to settle for ANY man just because life is easier with someone else to take out the trash. 

I'm a liar. I say all of that and I'm keeping one confession to myself: I'M TERRIFIED TO BE ALONE! Not like relationship alone, but physically alone. I have never lived by myself - again, from my parents to my grandparents to roommates to my husband. Robbers, rapists, murderers, cult leaders, psychos, and general hoodlums. I'm. So. Scared. I used to just stay up scared to fall asleep, and kept a bat at the door when my husband worked night shifts. Lord help me, I don't know what I'm going to do now. Lose sleep, I imagine. Coffee dates, anyone?

Monday, April 7, 2014

Big Block Pride

One thing Prissy loves to do is build princess castles with her blocks. It's one of her favorite things to do & she will sit for forever. (which, I realize a toddler forever isn't THAT long, but gives me enough time to put away laundry or unload a dishwasher by myself) Each time she completes her masterpiece, she comes to get me. I have to close my eyes and she holds my hand to walk me into her room. When we get there, she says "taa-daaaa" with her arms wide open! Of course I ohh and ahh and say "who did this?" Y'all, her face lights up when she says "me" and adds "all by myself". I tell her how proud I am and give lots of hugs bragging about how good she did.

Her smile in these moments is different than other smiles. She loves the praise but I tell her constantly how much I love her and how special she is. This smile is a smile of pride, she takes pride in her creation and simply finds joy in sharing it with other people who also are proud of her work. 

The other day I told her how proud I was of what she made. And, like us mothers do, I reminded her that I am proud of her everyday like she is of her castle. We like to remind our kids that we made them (and as they get older, perhaps that is delivered as a reminder "I brought you in this world, I'll take you out). 

I was halfway through this conversation about how I made her and take pride in all the things she does & love her so very much when I saw an opportunity. I took the opportunity to share something with her even bigger than my role in her creation and my pride and my unconditional love for her. 

I'm simply a vessel here on Earth for God who gets the real credit as The Creator. God, who loves her so much more perfectly than even her mama. 

It is a big message for a 3-year-old and I know she doesn't "get it" fully, but I am thankful for opportunities like this to put it on a level she can understand now. I read (most of) a parenting book about "dazzling" my child with His love. I found it to be so negative though. I don't want my child to think she was created flawed & is naturally bad but Jesus loves her anyways and "makes" her be good. I want her to know she was "fearfully & wonderfully made" in His perfect image and she is perfectly loved all the time. She is a unique creation He takes great pride in showing off, much like she does her Big Block castles. 


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